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A TOTAL TEASE

4/27/2013

Tanner Kissed me then pulled away and LAUGHED, then kissed me again then pulled away and LAUGHED...

As we walked down the sidewalk I asked Tanner, "Hold Grandmas Hand" .... He held out his hand like he was going to hold mine then pulled it away and LAUGHED AND LAUGHED AND LAUGHED

We found a feather, He tickled my ear, I screamed, he LAUGHED AND LAUGHED AND LAUGHED........

Soooo adorable, Sweet, PERFECTLY delightful Angel Baby.

Tanner LOVES to smell the Flowers everywhere.

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I'm on the GROUND and I CANT GET UP

4/26/2013

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OR..... A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS

On Monday I was helping my client move from the massage table into his wheelchair. I did it WRONG.... It was a lift and twist at the same time. My Back felt pain. On Tuesday I took care of myself by getting an acupuncture appointment. It helped. On Wends I was worse, I was on my way to get some aspirin to help the pain but decided to first plant some succulents that I had been intending to plant for a month... I could NOT get up after I planted them. My back was in sooooo much pain I could not move in any direction. I yelled for Dad, he brought me my yoga mat. I laid on the ground for 45+ minutes.. I eventually pulled myself up using the post that was close to me. It was painful. I made it to my bed. I could NOT get out when I had to go to the bathroom??? I yelled for Jessica to come help me. I pulled myself out of bed by using my arm strength with help from the headboard. I got into her car, went to the acupuncturist for a massage. LONG story short... it did not help much if any.... I made it home to bed. A friend gave me some pain killers. In the middle of the night I had to go to the bathroom... I was on the toilet going pee and knew I was going to faint, (I have fainted many times in my life I know when it is going to happen), When I came to, I was laying face down, (yes, in my own pee!!!!) FUCK, I hate to pass out, I hear what sounds like a swarm of bees in my head, (same sound after AMAZING SEX??? Love to know what it is from?? I always think it is my brain frying??) I screamed, no one heard me. I eventually dragged myself back to bed. My face was hurting????? I yelled and yelled until I woke Jessica up, (poor kid) She brought me an ice pack for my face. Come to find out??? I must have hit my cheek bone on the door knob when I passes out?

My long time client offered to give me a massage when I told him I had back pain and had to cancel his massage. I said YES. I said YES again when he offered to come back in the evening to give me ANOTHER Massage. I said YES when he offered to buy me an anti-inflammatory. I called MY dear friend and acupuncturist, she came to my home and gave me a session. I am now able to get in and out of bed without excruciating pain BUT I am not back to normal?? Another dear sweet friend brought me lunch and a back brace. Wow... I really felt LOVED and TAKEN care of by everyone. I was not ALONE in this world.

I still feel pain/discomfort when moving in certain ways... I feel weak and very tight in my low back and right hip. I'm still in healing mode.

What lessons for me so far????.......

ACCEPT the reality of my physical limitations.

ASK for HELP from many people.

I can NOT work and I can only accept that there is nothing I can do about it.

Rest and sleep all day.

ASK for HELP again, and again and again because I can not change my own sheets, make my own bed, cook my own food... THANK YOU DAD, for brining me my yoga mat, water, aspirin, heating pads, cooking my eggs.

There is NOTHING i can Letting people down because I can not live up to my commitments... BIG ONE FOR ME.

I could NOT hold or carry my Grandson.

I'm on my way to get my neck adjusted?? Supposedly if the Atlas is aligned the rest of the Vertebrae fall into alignment after a week or two or month?? My Grandma Kirk took me to get my neck adjusted when I was a kid and passing out all the time. I think it helped. My Mom got her neck adjusted after a year of being house bound from back pain, (she didn't want to take Grandma Kirks advice!! Stubborn old thing!!!) IT HELPED HER, it healed her, she was a BELIEVER. The Dr. I'm going to see today took the practice over from Dr. Young who took it over from Dr. Zimmerman who invented this machine that WOMPS your atlas, I always feel like it is going to chop off my head it has such a loud THUNK but there is no pain or discomfort involved. But there is TRUST, trust that the Dr. knows what he is doing?? I'm going to give it a try and make sure to write down the results fo the adjustment?? See if it helps my low back eventually.

Why do I feel compelled to write about this?????

I'm attempting to "process" what I am going through... make sense of it? Accept it? Share with others that there is HOPE to get better BUT we have to TAKE ACTION, ASK FOR HELP, RECEIVE what is offered to us, pay attention to our bodies, REST, not OVER DO IT... I'm talking to myself here. I work too hard, try to do too much, exert tooo much effort, don't give myself enough sleep. Alllll my life my Mom told me "you are burning the candle at both ends" There is just sooooo much I want to DO, accomplish, enjoy. I used to carry my best friend Joan Regli around on my back. My Mom told me to STOP doing that, I would have back problems as an adult. I'm not sure if it was from caring Joanie around or Lifting and moving the GIANT FREEZER in NZ, or Shoveling load after load of Gravel in NZ or ???? sooo many stupid things I did. I HOPE I REMEMBER to NEVER again Lift and Twist. I know better. I HOPE I will always STRETCH after every form of exercise. RE-ELONGATE my muscles. I HOPE I can accept all the physical challenges that will inevitably happen to me as I age. I have always heard... Getting OLD is not for the weak.... Good thing I am STRONG!!!!!!!!!!

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My Spiritual Biography

4/16/2013

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I was asked to write my Spiritual Biography as part of an application to become a "missionary" (basiclly a work exchange program), at the Optimum Health Institute in San Diego. I decided to share it on my blog.

I was born into the Church Of Christ: A fundamental, non-denominational tradition. God was #1 to my Mother, her Family was everything to her. She was dedicated to both. My Father was a Workaholic, I include this in my spiritual biography because I learned THAT YOU BETTER WORK TODAY BECAUSE THERE MIGHT NOT BE WORK TOMORROW!! Not having a united front taught me that people have different priorities. Dad had to work to feed five kids and his wife. They were both raised during the depression and never got over the ingrained believe that there would NEVER be enough. FOOD was extremely important to both my parents. They both knew hunger, something I have never experienced except when detoxing. Food was WAY MORE important to them then I believe is healthy. Dad told me, “I would rather eat my Banana Cream pie and Die then not eat my pie.” His choice. Mom did die because she was addicted to sugar and the cancer feed on it. Growing up I did not understand why I could not participate in the “Walkathons” ?? They were raising money for a good cause? wasn't that a “Christian” thing to do?? But I was not allowed because it was on a Sunday and it was a SIN to not go to church on a Sunday!!!! To the day my Mom died she believed I was going to HELL because I was never baptized. In the Church Of Christ you are suppose to get yourself baptized when you know what the bible says and are ready to live your life accordingly. Well.... I saw a lot of hypocrisy AND I knew I was a “Sinner”, I did not want to get baptized and then be a hypocrite? So I never got baptized. Very sad and hard on my Mother.
I rebelled from the “Church” when I was 13. As an adult I explored every possible religion that interested me. I was discovering and learning what other people in the world believed?
After I had my child I got very paranoid?? When ever my daughters Father went to change her diaper or give her a bath I KNEW he would be doing something sexual to her?? Not knowing why I had these uncontrollable feelings I sought help in Therapy. I had repressed the knowledge that my brother had sexually abused me when i was in sixth grade??? From there I attempted every form of therapy imaginable to deal with the pain of having been sexually abused. I did group therapy, rapid Eye Movement Desensitization (originally at OHI), Group Radiance Breathwork/ Holotropic Breathwork, Art Therapy, Ropes Course, I was Hypnotized, I walked on fire, when I was 30 years old I cycled across the USA speaking out against Childhood Sexual Abuse?? I cant even think of everything I have done to help myself get over the negative affects of the break of trust my brothers actions caused me??
Thanks to all the work I have done on myself, the women in the meditation group I was a part of for 14 years, my courage AND a few wonderful boyfriends that helped me through the process, I have been able to have a wonderfully fulfilling life. That is not to say that from time to time something doesn't;t happen to re-open the wound, but all in all I consider myself a healthy, happy, fulfilled, THRIVING individual.
I now attend the Center For Spiritual Enlightenment in San Jose. I go when I want, I cry almost every time I go. I LOVE what I hear and how I incorporate it into my life.
I am facilitating the Artist Way at Deborahs Palm in Palo Alto which is a community for women. I love and appreciate the process.I also enjoy NATURE more than anything. I love a LUSH GREEN environment. My home is in New Zealand www.heavenunderthemoon.com I took a year sabbatical from life in 2001 and cycled around a lot of the world on my bicycle. I was specifically looking for somewhere in the world to live in NATURE. I followed my Gut, it lead me to my HEAVEN.I have been away from my home for three years now do to family and a need to be close to them. I am attempting to prepare myself to grow stronger to return to my home. Part of my reluctance to going back to my home is that I will have to face the pain of my partner no longer being with me.. After some traumatic health challenges he has decided to live his life in his hometown in Holland, without me. I believe part of my spiritual journey is to get as strong as I can, physically, emotional and spiritually before returning to my home... then to decide what I want to do with the rest of my life.

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The Epitome of a PERFECT day

4/14/2013

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Jordan and I walked (nothing for me but A LOT for an almost 3 year old) to the YMCA, I did PUMP, he played in the child care center.
We went to "Church" www.thecenterforspiritualenlightenment.org Jordan went to his "class" and I enjoyed an uplifting, thought provoking, fulfilling "sermon" .....What blew me away is how much of it is the same as what I am learning and practicing in The Artist Way.... Choose ONE idea, One Idea for my LIFE.... Don't pick up any new idea... What do I want to accomplish in this lifetime? What is IMPORTANT to me? What do I REALLY want? DOES MY DAILY ACTIVITIES SUPPORT THE END RESULT OF WHAT I AM STRIVING TOWARD???? That is a Bigggy. If I want a FLAT stomach am I doing my sit ups every day? Eating healthy foods? IF I say I want to learn to knit am I taking lessons to learn? MY problem is there is a THOUSAND things I want to learn, do , expereince. I have to pick one, FOCUS, COMPLETE it then move on. My latest ACCOMPLISHMENT is building a Chicken Coop with my Dad.... It all started by me telling Dad, " I want to teach you how to build something CHEAP AND NASTY" I wanted to slam together a "play pin" for our chickens, (which we have been talking about getting for years but not taking action on), the idea was it would be SMALL, light weight and we would move the chickens around the yard and they could eat the weeds, bugs, etc. WELL... My Father has never built anything other than BARTON BUILT BOM SHELTERS.. HE is incapable of building anything that is not BUILT TO LAST A LIFE TIME. So what I imagined would take one hour is STILL NOT DONE!! But I went today and picked up THREE chickens because it was GOOD ENOGH. Dad will have to finish it with the chickens inside it!!! I think in life we stop ourselves from doing something because we imagine it to be TOOO HARD, TOO many potential problems etc. My philosophy in life is JUST DO IT.... If problems arise, as they inevitably do, deal with them then. Life is not perfect, it is okay to make mistakes. The satisfaction of hearing those chickens clucking away is WORTH everything. Dad calculated that he had not have chickens for 62 years. WE Did IT... He came along kicking and screaming as he usually does but he eventually bought into it and LOVED the process. He was even singing during the day... That hasn't happened for a LONG TIME.

I got off on a tangent.....I wanted to share about how similar Church was this morning to the ARTIST WAY by Julia Cameron....Basically the premiss in both is to GIVE OUR POWER OVER TO A HIGHER POWER.... TRUST that there is a SPIRIT? God? ENERGY that is our SOURSE and fulfills our needs?? we are suppose to LISTEN FOR GUIDANCE? ASK for our needs to be meet? LISTEN AND LOOK FOR THE ANSWERS TO COME? Today we were told to #1 Know what we want #2 Don't get DISTRACTED #3 AIM HGH #4 GOR FOR IT with JOY, #5 LIVE WITH PASSION, (sounds yummy), #6 Learn to Prosper. In order to do all this we must be STEDFAST = RESOLVE FOCUS which is ABSENt of being Fickleness...... Doubting, second guessing, being wishy-washy

We do different TASKS each week in the Artis Way. This week we are attempting to do ONE NICE THING FOR OURSELVES every day and RECORD the results.. We are also meant to ASK (someone? spirit? god?) for something every day and RECORD the results... I have been LOVING this process. I have been asking for guidance to choose healthy foods, I have been asking for Guidance in my life..... I have been receiving signs,, syncronicities, answers. I HIGHLY recommend doing something nice for yourself every day, it is beautiful. It does not have to be big.. One day it was NOT eating the chocholate.. another day it was having a nap, giving myself a pedicure, a long walk with a girlfriend, reading my book, going to PUMP, going to YOGA. YEAAAAA what a life this is, we get t ENJOY it, TREAT ourselves, expereince JOY!!! Love ourselves!! What a concept!!!!!

My Perfect Day is not done.... Jordan took a nap in the car while I drove to Gilroy to get our new chickens..... Jordan woke up just as we arrived at the chicken farm.... We loaded up Red Star, Leg Horn and Brownie... We had a late Mexican lunch then went to WElcome our friend Bill back from NEw Zealand.. Where I hung out and talked with the adults and Jordan played in the "kitchen" with Lilly. When it was time to leave Jordan told Lilly, "I will miss you"..... THAT KID is one of a kind, verry special.

Dad and I got the chickens into the unfinished coop by 9 pm!!1 We congratulated each other on CO-OPERATING to make it happen. He did the calculations and decide it had been 65 years sense he had chickens. He said, "NOW WE HAVE A FARM"
A PERFECT DAY

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Single FIFTY ONE year YOUNG female, Mother of 33 year old daughter, GRANDMOTHER to 3 year old Tanner John, 1 1/2 old GRANDAUGHTER Taylor Lee and LAST BUT NOT LEAST GREAT Aunt to 5 year old Jordan (I call him Buddah or Typhoon)

A TOTAL TEASE

I'm on the GROUND and I CANT GET UP

My Spiritual Biography

The Epitome of a PERFECT day

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