I'm not yet LONGING to return.... But I am feeling like I am now pretty ready to go back.....I have been away from my HEAVEN, on the UNDISCOVERED Awhitu Peninsula for three years now...... AMAZING how fast life fly's by.  When WE (I was a couple then) left I thought i we were going to be gone for 4 months. Little did I know that I would be returning 3 1/2 years latter without my life partner????
LIFE.........
Falco decided to stay in Holland and end our relationship, Mom died after 10 months of cancer, Joanie got married, had a perfectly beautiful son, Jordan grew up, (he learned how to say PERSEVERANCE  yesterday), What else?? 
Life.... Soooooo easy to fall right into life here in the Bay Area... there is WORK for one thing which is WONDERFUL.. Living in the wop wops of NZ where there are NO people it is a challenge to make a living. Family, Friends, fantastic weather, dance classes, like minded people, my BELOVED YMCA, verry easy to LOVE LIFE in California AND.... It is time for me to go HOME, (although I TRUELY believe HOME IS WHERE MY HEART IS) and my heart is at home just about anywhere I lay my head at night. I truly believe I am a gypsy in my soul and to the tips of my toes. I will return to NZ mid November, (although is saying that I have not yet bought my ticket??) I am writing this because I want to "PUT OUT THERE" what I want in life......... Which is.......Like Minded People to share my heaven with me.... It is tooooo big of a property to live on alone, it is tooo much work, it is tooo lovely to not share with others. SOOOOO... OPEN INVITATION to come visit AND see if it might be a place you would like to call home for awhile? I actually have no idea how I am going to feel about being there until I get there?? I can guess??? I think it will initially feel overwhelming, (all the gardening there will be to do) and SAD that Falco, (the dumb fuck) is not going to be my life partner living there with me??? (as you can tell I am still getting my head around this one, although I am "getting it" "digesting it" "accepting" it much better now.) THEN I will probably be ecstatic to sleep in MY OWN BED, enjoy a bath outside under the stars, a shower under the sun, have a fire burn next to my bed, cook in my own kitchen, (that I can keep as clean or dirty as I want!!)! AND I will desperately miss My Family and Friends, most especially Tanner and Jordan, they are both the light of my life, it is AMAZING to me how special they are to me?? How my heart if filled with love for both of them. I have always LOVED children but these two blow my mind wide open with LOVE. Because of this I don't know if I will want to live half way around the world from them?? Time will tell??? If they (and all the people that I love) would come and visit me REGULARLY (big ask because of time and money I know) I imagine I would want to live all of my life at MY HOME in NZ ??? I have to go FACE the Music, deal with my reality, go through all the emotions that are bound to be in me. 
Feel free to let me know if you would like to be a woofer (willing worker on organic farms = work 4 hours a day for room and board) OR rent a room and do your own thing? OR ????? I'm open to what the possibilities look like. I want my life filled with and surrounded by people who CHOOSE LIFE, people who REALLY want to LIVE... people that value COMMUNICATION, healthy food, healthy living, exercise, relaxation, NATURE, PEACE, Art, TIME to think........Writers, Artists, Yogies ESPECIALLY welcome. AND CARPENTERS, BUILDERS, STRONG men (or women) who want to help build the stage for the outdoor amphitheater. YES... I would STILL like to build it.... Ann Randolph for one will come perform LOVELAND on the stage.. Were all brought into this world for some reason???? Mine seems to be to build a stage in the middle of the wop wops in NZ????? Why I have no idea but I am attempting to follow my heart and it still wants to make this DREAM a REALITY???? GEEEZZZEE, couldn't my purpose just be to still on a couch and watch TV???? Why sooo BIZARRE, different, unusual, dreams than the average Joe?? I DO NOT KNOW?? I asked myself a thousand times?? WHY ME GOD?? Why am I the one to carry out the trash from the creek on this land? why me to want to live here? half way around the world from my family and friends? Why me to build a stage in a natural bowl in the middle of know where? I HAVE NO IDEA but I am going to (attempt) to TRUST the process?? IF I get back to NZ and the people come into my life to make this dream a reality then I will embrace and enjoy the process, If I get back and it is me, myself and I and I feel overwhelmed and homesick I will sell up and call it quits??? Time will tell??? AND I know..... My life WILL unfold GRACEFULLY and EFFORTLESSLY.......

xxxxxoooo
PS
Feel free to spread the word to anyone you know of that has building skills, BIG muscles, a kind heart, loves to dance, loves to feel the JOY in life AND SEND THEM MY WAY........
xxxoooo
CG

The stage....
I have a leagal land use permit to have 200 people in the outdoor ampihither.
The stage will need to be built and the terraces retained, a lovely creative adventure...

These are the tree roots that will look like they are holding up the lilly pads. My DEAREST friend Terry took his tractor to pick them up for me out of someones paddock, (for you townies that is where sheep or cows graze)

If I complete this I will be able to call myself a COMPLETIST... If I never get it built I will know it was not meant to be. I will NOT bang my head against the wall in this journey, it will be FUN or I will not do it. If it is GODS CREATION it will evolve in a lovely way or I will be guided in another direction in this life and know it was not my job to bring it to fruition??? (Although I have no idea why I would have the idea to build it, have the design be gifted to me, still have the desire to see it come to fruition after leaving it on a back burning for 3 years?? IF I am not suppose to be the one to build it??)

LIFE I say???? LIFE................

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9QVq0EM6g4

I took a class in Orgasmic Meditation www.onetaste.com this last weekend. It was a lovely expereince. I highly recomend it for the BRAVE AT HEART. 

My DEAR, SWEET, ADORABLE, ANGEL BABY, My Lover, my friend, my best friend, my life Partner, My PARTNER IN CRIME, My Fairy Godmother, my sister, my mother, my daughter, my caretaker, my teacher, my mentor, ME, MYSLEF AND I, My Lonely Lonesome all by myself SELF, My Complicated, complex, multidimensional, VISIONARY ,Enthusiastic, WHOLE, OPTIMISTIC Self…….

I LOVE YOU!!!, ALL OF YOU, ALL OF WHO YOU ARE.. 
I care for you, take care and love you to the best of my ability within each moment. 
I attempt to make good decisions for us. 
I am learning to speak lovingly, calmly, honestly… to myself and others.
I'm attempting to catch myself when I judge myself and others, 
I am attempting to be aware when I do things that are not in the best interest of my body, mind and soul = over eating, drinking, lack of sleep, doing too much, over working. 
I hope to become more and more aware and catch myself more often and faster to save us of pain and to LOVE us and others more and more fully. 
I am HUMAN, I make mistakes, I am not perfect, 
Please forgive me for my short comings and love ALL  OF ME, ALL OF WHO I AM, the good bad and ugly. 
REMEMBER, I care about YOU, I LOVE YOU, I want the best in life for YOU, 
I will always be here for YOU. I will never leave you, 
YOU ARE THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE, 
YOU can COUNT ON ME 
to be "there" for you, LOVE and SUPPORT who YOU are… 
Till Death DO US PART.

YOU is BEAUTIFUL, YOU IS SMART, YOU IS SWEET, YOU IS LOVED, you is beautiful, you is loving, you is kind you is sweet, you is smart, you is kind, you is loved, you is kind, you is smart, you is beautiful, you is LOVED…….

For Three years now my life "motto" has been to REMAIN open in my HEART, easier said then done sometimes. I did NOT want to put a shield of ARMOR around my heart, I wanted to FEEL the emotions, allow them to wash over me, flow through me and not allow them to cause me to HARDEN my Heart. Tough after a broken heart, self protection is an instinct, (at least for me) PROTECT myself from Injury and HURT, what?? ARE YOU KIDDING? OPEN up AGAIN??? Risky, BIG ASK. AND I want to live with an open heart.

I LOVE going to www.thecsecenter.org
SOUL connection with ourselves, Joy will attend to our every need. Fulfill our potential, if we have stress we are not concocted to our soul. If we feel peace we are connected to our soul. If we have a sense of well being we are connected to our soul. Anchor to our soul get planted, Grounded then go forth from that spiritual perspective. Soul First then go out into life. Suggested to do that by meditating, being quiet, LISTENING to what comes in the quiet, flowing our BLISS, that which makes us HAPPPY. When we live in our SOUL we attract that which is needed for our fulfillment. We don't have to worry about it, we don't have to seek it. Get happy and that which we need will come to us. 

The Scary thought is????? What I think will make me happy is being a gypsy in Europe ??? Which sounds frivolous, selfish, irresponsible?? BUT look what happen last time I followed my heart and took a year of and traveled around the world…… I found, (what came to me), was my NZ home in Heaven, Someone I THOUGHT was going to be my life partner, a wonderful journey. WHY is it sooo difficult to do what my HEART REALLLY wants to do?? I have to TRUST that it is NOT selfish, nor irresponsible, not frivolous.. WHY would I have the strong desire if it was wrong??? Is it escapism?? I don't think so?? I think it is my internal soul guiding me down the right path for ME. I'm listening and that is what I am hearing….. Sell everything I have, EXPLORE, wonder, discover, play, create, smile, feel the joy, the support , the MIRACLE I know traveling brings to me.

I will keep listening???? Keep Asking?? Keep looking for syncronicities?? Signs???Keep open to the guiding light? But I think?? I might be a gypsy sooner than latter??? I sure would like a little cottage in nature to come home to though?? I might have to get all my ducks in a row then go??? Time will tell??