I am doing a class called ART FOR GROWTH...... Boy am I going to GROW!!!

I had NO Clue what I was getting myself into???? ALLLLLL This and only the second class.....

Today we did a Time Line of our LIVES

Tears, Fears, Emotions, Emotions, Tears, Joy, Tears, Mourning, Tears. I'm feeling pretty spent from all the emotions that flowed through and out of me but I wouldn't have missed it for the world. MUCH LIKE HOW I FEEL ABOUT MY LIFE.




Mine Time Line started out with sweet pink excitement, enthusiasm then it drops down into FEAR, ANGER, RAGE, VIOLENCE and DEEP DARKNESS.

All while experiencing the JOY and LOVE of my New Born Perfect bundle of girlyness, sweetness, innocence......

Then
Violence.........

More Violence..................

EVEN MORE Violence...............

THEN...................

HELP.......... HELP........... and MORE HELP...............................................

Tall Mountains to climb.
UP, UP,  Higher, and HIGHER, STEEPER and STEEPER Mountains.........

STRUGGLE.............

Then.....
There is LOVE

Then

There is painful
open 
wounds
that 
BLEED

Smaller 
Hills

Shorter Hills

More Healing

Love

Loss of Love


Mountains to clmb..............

Smaller Mountains to climb. 

Then

Loss of LOVE, Death of Ancestors, friend, Love.

Then............

Cycling, Cycling and MORE Cycling

HEALING HEALING HEALING

Then...........

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE

Excitement, HIGHS, Moments that make life worth living.

Then..........

Loss of Love

DELIGHT IN DISCOVERING

BACK ON THE BIKE..............

Cycle, Cycle, Cycle

Discover, Discover, Discover...........

HOME IS WHERE My HEART IS...... HOME IS NEW ZEALAND... home is in Holland

Then............

Loss Of LOVE, LOSS of BIG LOVE, DEEP LOVE.......

LOSS OF MOTHERLY LOVE......

Birth of NEW LOVE, sweet innocent LOVE........

BLISS and APPRECIATION and ACCEPTANCE and ANTICIPATION for what is next????? 

ALL GOOD.......

LIFE.....

Dirty, Messy, Complicated, Multidimensional.........

LIFE.

MY LIFE.....

One out of Three women will be RAPED or Beaten in their lifetime, that is ONE BILLION WOMEN on this Planet.

On February 14, 2013 WE have the opportunity to STOP what we are doing and GO DANCE…. until the WORLD SHAKES and Men and Women RISE UP and MAKE CHANGES FOR THE BETTER http://www.onebillionrising.org














Eve Ensler explaining One Billion Rising http://www.democracynow.org/seo/2012/9/24/one_billion_rising_eve_ensler_activists

Schedule for Democracy NOW Tour http://www.democracynow.org/events#events_anchor

It takes a LIFETIME to SURVIVE the implications of having been Beaten, Raped and or Sexually Abused, THE VIOLENCE MUST STOP. WE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE http://www.onebillionrising.org

I have Cycled Across The United States of America Speaking OUT AGAINST CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE, I have WALKED ON FIRE, done a ROPES COUSE, BREATH-WORK, GROUP THERAPY, One On One Therapy, gone to a FORGIVENESS CLASS at Stanford University TWICE!, studied Non Violent Communication, Meditated, PRAYED, GOD KNOWS WHAT ELES???? to HEAL MYSELF of the VIOLENCE I have received by Men in my life. 

What could I have accomplished in my life had I not spent sooooo much energy recovering, surviving, HEALING from the ABUSE I received BY MEN,  as a child……….by MEN!!!!!!

OKAY…. I am who I am because of the events in my life BUT WHO WOULD I HAVE BEEN WITHOUT the VIOLENCE???? A less ANGERY, VINDICTIVE, SCARED, FEARFUL, JUDGMENTAL, REVENGEFUL, FRIGHTENED, OVERLY PROTECTIVE, PARANOID, SUSPICIOUS, UNTRUSTING, DEFENSIVE, Human Being.

Without the Sexual Abuse perhaps I would have not gotten pregnant at 17 years old?

Perhaps I would NOT  have gotten stoned every day of my life starting at age 14? (I'm lucky to have any brain cells left. Thank GOODNESS I finaly caught on that REALITY is better than being KNUMB. I am THRILLED to have found a way to deal with my emotions rather than STUFF, Burry and repress them with drugs)

Perhaps  I would NOT have gotten drunk to the point of vomiting and passing out repeatedly in my teens?

Perhaps I would NOT  have done cocaine, acid, speed, ANYTHING TO KNUMB the PAIN I was in?

PERHAPS without the violence I WOULD HAVE focused on my education? Gone away to college? been in a Sorority?

Participated in Sporting Events? Become and Athlete? Had more children? Stayed Married?

Learned to SAY NO

Learned that I had RIGHTS as a WOMAN

Learned that I was WORTHY

Learned that I MATTER……..

MUCH SOONER

My REQUEST is that ALL WOMEN…….. AND MEN WHO LOVE THEM…… DANCE…...on February 14th…... RISE UP…... SHAKE the WORLD…...MAKE A DIFFERENCE TOGETHER!!   http://www.onebillionrising.org


And while we are doing that…. Why not VOTE for the GREEEN PARTY and make a REAL difference in The Government!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm LOVING life.
I spent the day with my daughter and Grandson (who is a TOTALY Gerber Baby!! Do you know what a Gerber Baby is??) He didn't cry, grumble or get crabby once. He laughs, smiles, drools, looks at the world with the most amazing blue eyes. He is ALREADY seven months old!! Time needs to STOP I say!!!!
I have LOTS of work which is soooo good, i love earning money, love the satisfaction of my work, love seeing my Great Nephew Jordan growing up, learning to talk, explore the world, we love having adventures together.
Life is pretty good. I would like my own home but its good to be here for Dad, I'm not home much but he appreciates the time I am here.
I spent last weekend in Monterey celebrating my oldest sisters 60th Birthday. This weekend I'm off to Harbin Hot-springs for a weekend retreat with the Human Awareness Institute.
I will go to Colorado mid October because I have never been to the state and I want to check it out???
I will go to Portland Oregon mid November for a week of learning to Blues dance.
Verrry easy to fall into life here in California.
I'm hiking with one girlfriend or another several mornings a week. go to the YMCA for my PUMP and Yoga classes.
Life is FULL, it is just NOT in my Lush GREEN Heaven which I YEARN for often.
I want to be there to plant some Kumquat Trees and I want to plant a Honey Crisp Apple Tree (I just ate one for the first time, they are MIRACLES in every bite!)
I also need to PRUNE all the trees already in the earth at my Heaven.
I made a commitment to stay for Tanners first year of life, I have five more months to go. I hope by then I will feel ready to go home to NZ. 
I am 90% maybe 80% recovered from and accepting the ending of the relationship with Falco, funny, even though we were struggling in our relationship, I morn the loss of what we had, we were great partners in so many ways. We had a great history together. I'm afraid to go back to NZ where our life was shared, it is not going to be easy. BUT I'm getting closer to feeling like I will be able to deal with it. I miss my life in Holland just about as much as I miss Falco, I am NOT happy about loosing the life I had there. 
I WILL live in Europe again I'm sure!! Not necessarily full time but for sure as a GYPSY. Just thinking about Monet's Garden, Paris in Spring, the Blooming Tulips and Rodadendrom in Holland, Switzerland in the Summer MAKES ME WANT TO BOOK A FLIGHT RIGHT NOW!!!!

I couldn't find a photo of a red tent?? That is me and technology in a nut shell!
I HIGHLY recommend THE RED TENT by Anita Diamonte. ( I probably read it 20 years ago)
Great book that highlights how women used to go INWARD with other women once a month during their Moon Time. There is a new movement to promote women to gather together on a monthly basis to support, empower, educate, love and nourish each other. I think this is the way the WORLD should be. READ the book, check out the website and let me know if you don't think we women would all be a lot more SANE, SELF ASSURED, SATISFIED, SELF CONFIDENT and just plain HAPPIER if LIFE were like this.
http://starofishtar.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/AmmendedWhat-is-the-Red-Tent.pdf

Very Fun to see Jordan play in the cold water and run across the HOT sand. The sweetest part of the day was when he ran down to the water to get Shelby (who did not want to leave), he got right up in her face, looked her in the eye, took her hand and said, "shelby, Lunch" and dragged her away from the water. She went willingly and happily. We ate CORN DOGS with Mustard. Jordan (BELIVE IT OF NOT!!!) won an ASH TRAY and a SHOT GLASS at the dime toss. Kid after my own heart, I always won something but back in MY DAY, they were cut glass candy dishes!