I can NOT believe I have not written anything sense MAY…. Geeezzeee… I have actually written HEAPS but have not posted anything..

I did a week long FAMILY CONSTELLATION workshop at Esalen for my Birthday Week… WOOO HOO… I turned 50 at Esalen… YEA…. what work I did. tough.. too tough to go into details here.. if you have any interest I'm happy to share all in person.

I had a 50th Bday party for myself… LAST one of this lifetime….. sooo stressful.. I am really a one on one kinda gal… I appreciate deeper connections than what can happen at a "party".. and it was lovely.

I SAT ON MY ASS FOR TEN HOURS A DAY FOR TEN DAYS at a Vipassana SILENT Meditation RETREAT…… I YI YI…. what an expereince… That too I am happy to share if there is any interest…

Ive decided some things are just toooo private to share via a blog….

I'm leaving in two weeks to be a GYPSY… this is the GREATEST gift to myself for my 50th B-day… I will be a VAGABOND… although I much prefer …… HUG AMBASSADOR TO THE WORLD…..I will attempt to HUG as many people every day as POSSIBLE.. beats trying to learn a new language…

The HIGHLIGHTS of my life have been taking naps with Jordan and Tanner… smelling baby Taylor and taking naps in the hammock…. sooo funny.. "They" always talk about how TRANSFORMING the Vipassana Silent Meditation Retreat is…… I transformed into a woman who wants to SLEEP MORE, lay in the hammock MORE….REST more…talk slower, do less and be okay with it.. FOR ME THAT IS TRANSFORMATION…..

Loving Life everyday.
xxoo
cg

It was last Friday and today…
Jordan and I got the "make shift" art studio cleaned up and organized then he painted.. then finger painted… then washed up…..then picnic with Olivia and Diana…THEN…. Playing with animals at Hidden Villa.
Sooo fun to see the baby chicks and baby pigs be one week older.. one week bigger….
I was moving pretty slowly after being sick all night but nothing like an active four year old with ENERGY TO BURN to get me over being sick.

Yesterday afternoon out of the blue and for no reason I started feeling MASSIVE pain in my head…I felt like I might pass out and eventually I did vomit…. YUCK….. on the grass in front of the library…. in PUBLIC… Talk about Vulnerable… I did not have my phone with me..I could not remember anyones phone number?? I was not sure I would be able to drive myself home? I was sweating yet felt cold as ice…I eventually made it home. Dad made me a dose of Castor Oil and sent me to bed.. I felt like CRAP but extremely loved and cared for…This morning the pain in my head is gone, I have my bowls cleaned out and feeling much better…Weak and light headed but sooooo much better….FAROUT…. no idea where the sickness came from? Thank Goodness it is gone and thank goodness for a GREAT Dad who knows Castor Oil solves all problems. He did laugh out loud when he gave it to me…. he knows how powerful it is… He thinks it is funny when it isn't he who is taking it.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEPbkvhPuRk&noredirect=1

I arrived in California yesterday…. Immediately went to be with Joanie and Grandkids… SWEET…
I've got some ORGANIZING to do!!!! This will be the BEFORE photo…..
I hope before the end of the day tomorrow I will have an AFTER photo done…..
It is ALWAYS harder to organize my own stuff…..
DO I LOVE IT????
DO I LOVE IT????
That is what I ask my clients over and over.. if not.. DO YOU USE IT???
 I'm attempting to be easy on myself.. I gently help my clients through this process so I'm going to be kind to myself….
Hard to get much of anything done in between watching a TORNADO… Sweet Adorable Jordan Conrad Alexander…… and helping Dad find the keys to my car??????? He is 85 now…….

Jordan is crashed out on the floor.. exhausted from a day of cycling to the park… watering the garden, playing like MAD while I attempt to get organized with office internet stuff.. sooo good to have internet after FIVE months!!! Wooo Hooo…. I'm connected again!

The GOOD LONG HUG we had this morning when we first saw each other filled my heart with the GREATEST LOVE imaginable…I tell you… nothing like innocent souls!!!

Sweet Sweet Sweet to See, Feel, Smell Baby Taylor… she has my long fingers.
ABSOLUTLY nothing as sweet as loving, having adventures and being with Tanner John! I sure did miss MY BOYS!!!!!!

Sooooo Happy that Tanner knows his Grandpa Barton…..It breaks my heart that my Mother never meet Tanner.. she would have LOVED him soooooo much.. I know she is sending him good loven from her spirits place.

The day before I left NZ it was misty raining.. lovely… The day I left was the most PERFECT, CALM, CLEAR, Autumn day… hard to leave on such a perfect day….
Hard to leave after re-claiming it as my own.. cutting back the overgrown grounds…Enjoying it in soooo many ways with sooo many friends….
NO doubt about it… I do LOVE my Heaven.. it is MY HOME. 
As is California……I will LOVE and enjoy 

WOWWWWW.. What a WHIRL WIND…. Not sure where to start????
It seems totally unreal that Joanie… my daughter is now the MOTHER of TWO??? I'm dying to Touch, Smell, Kiss and LOVE on all of the young baby being

I'm brining ANOTHER suit case of baby clothes that were Joanies….30+ years old.. Totally RETRO…Kristen thinks the MASH pajamas are worth a MILLION……They are washed and ready for Taylor to wear.. her Mothers baby clothes!!!! Sooooo many beautiful memories.

Kristen (in the cottage.. the new LOVE OF MY LIFE) turned me on to Downton Abbey……GEEEZZZEEE… I have an addictive personality… George, Jane and I were watching THREE a night.. we have finished series 3 plus the X-mas special….. and I'm chomping at the bit to see series 4????????

It was from drooling over the costumes that I decided to host a Downton Abbey/ Brothel party… HEAPS of fun.. and BOY was it nice to see men DRESSED UP.. nothing more fun than Playing dress up.

ABLE TASMAN
A HOLIDAY where you walk the beaches, sleep in huts, get a boat to carry your heavy pack…..
What more could you ask for????Lynda, Jane and I enjoyed a walk together on the Able Tasman.. Eat, Drink and be Merry!!!! Wooo Hooo.. We even LIVED through the boat ride back to civilization.. Wave after Wave crashed over the boat.. we were seriously scarred while LAUGHING and clinging tight to the railing and singing the theme song for Gilliagans Island.

George was here from Hawaii for five weeks to build the stage for the outdoor amphitheater… it did not happen….. SAD… I did not get the permit to build.. I need a registered engineer and the plans re-designed to comply with a building code that is STUPID…. and EXPENSIVE….. soooo… back to the drawing board??? I will attempt to earn MORE money for stupidity….. I could just build the stage and risk getting reported by ???? someone who does not want to see this project succeed but with my luck and past history I know it would happen… sooooooooo I will attempt to earn the money and be PATIENT….. OR SELLLLLLLLLLLL… time will tell how it will pan out… I am soooo ready to have a postage stamp size home with no maintenance and low expenses…. I am physically burnt out from the manual labor…and I want a PARTNER or several if HEAVEN UNDER THE MOON is ever to be again??? I'm continuing to pray for guidance and GRACE in this area of life.. I continue to LOVE LOVE LOVE my heaven and I know I can not maintain it alone…. unless I win the lottery which I do not play?? I'm open to seeing how it goes??? I have made some GREAT improvements to the property over the last five months. it is looking GREAT… George finished the inside of my massage studio with windows built from the Sapphire Gin Bottles, insulation, more windows and now electricity.. Wooo Hooooo.. it is BEAUTIFUL.. just need CLIENTS!!!!! George and Rodin built and AMAZING swing in which to enjoy watching the sunset and drinking cocktails, waving goodbye to family, friends and guests… (AS a GRANDMA does)…. MANY MANY trees are gone.. the view is wide open.. Kristen in the cottage has a new sink, cabinets, toilet and flooring!!!! THANK YOU GEORGE for all the work you did…..

Dellalou believed we were on this earth to ENJOY LIFE….. 
there was no reason other than JOY to spend time, energy and effort to build a swing… to EXPEREINCE the JOY of swinging and watching a sunset…

HEAPS AND HEAPS of LOVE and THANKS to Terry for bringing over his tractor, chain saw, humor and SWEETNESS…. George for his BRAINS and PATIANCE. Rodin for his BEAUTIFUL STRONG BODY, quick intelligence and ENERGY…. 
It was soooo fun to come up with an idea in two seconds then watch it become a reality two weeks latter with LOTS of effort, time & co-opooration… AS with sooooo many projects here in Heaven… I would have LOVED for it to have been a documentary….. there is no way to convey the process without contributing to the project… being a part of it. .. SOOOOO many THANKS to the powers that be that allow me to experience the JOYS of this amazing life…...

Sunrise from my bedroom…. AMAZING….

As much as I LOVE my home here in NZ… I am DONE… I am tiered…I am broke and I want to be with my Daughter, Grandson and soon to be Granddaughter…

SOOOOOO….. Tell EVERYONE…. for $980 THOUSAND dollars they can own a piece of heaven here on earth.

THE ADVENTURES I have had………..


Soooo many….

the latest was a sheep shooting…..

We got two… Reni, (friend from Switzerland who had never been involved with sheep before) Skinned and butchered one sheep all by herself.. following my example.. She froze the WHOLE FILET and took it home to Switzeralad in her suit case and cooked it up for her husband the night she got home!! WHAT A NUT!!!! There are only two girlfriends in my life that can go from hiking in cow poo to putting on a dress (quick change on the streets of Auckland) and off to the poshest of events.. RENI is one of them… Gotta LOVE LIFE living it to the fullest every moment…… I had to rest after her two week visit!! I can barely keep up with her.

Seven hours to skin and butcher… then we cooked up a feast for a Dinner Party for Renis going away night.

I can bring home the bacon…. Fry it up in a pan.. and never ever let him FORGET he's a man.. because I'm a WOMAN……..

Kristen is the new tennant in the cottage…. WATCH OUT world.. she may end up being my third girlfriend that is willing to be a massive NUT…..

FRIENDS for life….. all of us.. we could NOT have done it without TERRY….. HE IS THE MAN…

WE LOVE AND ADORE HIM!!!!

Being KIDS together

Life on the edge

NOTHING more fun then running down the GIANT sand dunes on the west coast of the Awhitu Peninsula…

HOW we get out kicks!!!

Nobody but Reni has any idea of how hard it was to get out the ALIAGNUS, combined with the HONEYSUCKEL!!!!!!! 

We WORKED hard together.

YOU ARE ARE A MAD WOMAN Reni and I LOVE YOU!!!!!

I use the term WOP WOPS in the MOST LOVING WAY…..It means RURAL living in the middle of KNOW WHERE…..
The most CHALLANGING thing for me is NO INTERNET.. I could get a SLOW LAND LINE which I am probably going to succumb to eventually… 
The second most CHALLANGING thins is that EVERYWHERE I TURN THERE IS WORK TO BE DONE…..

I NEED HELP…. BIG TIME… STRONG, Physically CAPABLE people.. send them my way….
I will FEED and Accommodate in exchange for 4 hours of work a day…..

I am also looking for ARTISTs in RESIDENCE.. basically the same deal.. they create art for heaven… I especially want a KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR.. see photo and a GLASS gate welded together with Old Glass Platters.. I'm open to other ART PROJECTS.. Lots of fun possibilities..

THE MOST SATISFYING WONDERFUL TREAT… was picking a FRESH RIPE PEACH off my Veranda… I have KILLED NINE possums to date sense I have been home… FIGHTING for my PEACHES….

Christmas CHEER was spread with CHICKEN MAN on Motercycle and Santa with a drink in his hand. GREAT FUN.. Great MEMORIES of Christmas PAST… My first year of participating in the tradition DAD was Santa Claus….. 

THRILLED to have had a few days off to walk to the WILD WEST coast with friend Jenna From CA… and spend a day at the harbor beach kayaking and having a boat ride… Good to PRETEND to be on Holliday for a few days…

I had a GREAT day in the Art Studio finishing my VISION BOARD for 2014….. I look forward to MANIFESTING GREAT THINGS….. 

LOVE my time alone… solitude is GOOD.
LOVE having company as well.
LOOK forward to sharing my life with a SPECIAL person someday TOOOOOOOOO.
BASICLY.. ALL GOOD.

For Christmas I gave my FAVORITE Little Hamilton Girls EXPEREINCES….. Arron came over for a day of ART.. We made a mask of her face. VERRRRY FUN..
Myrell and I will COOK YUMMY FOOD together and Gwen and i will go be GIRLY GIRLY girls and have a manicure and pedicure before it is time for her to go back to BOARDING SCHOOL… GEEEEZZZEEE…. Time does NOT STAND STILL.. 3 1/2 years latter those girls are soon to be WOMEN.

CHRITMAS PAST……. TOM BARTON as Santa,, MOM as Mrs. Claus

FUN to be…..
SILLY
NUTS
TOGETHER

Monday November 25, 2013
THE REASON I LIVE IN HEAVEN… YES THE WOP WOPS… The Middle of NOWHERE……
5:40am I woke to the SUNRISE…
The BIRDS Singing….
A STAG in my back yard…..WITH GIANT ANTLERS.. in all the years I have lived here I have only ever seen him two other times, both of which he was in the same place far far away on my neighbors land.. This morning he was at the bottom of my amphitheater… GOOD OMEN I'm SURE…….

I TOTALY Forgot how AMAZINGLY WONDERFUL the clouds are DAILY…. 

GREAT APPRECIATION…. thanks to my MOTHER.. she LOVED the clouds… "LOOK AT THOSE CLOUDS!!!"

She was known at De Anza Preschool as the teacher that had the kids lay down on their back and look up at the CLOUDS.

I'm NO LONGER Loanly Loansome all by my self…….

CREAM is following me around like a DOG….. She LOVES me still…. even though I left her, ABANDONDED her for 3 1/2 years… She purrs like MAD when I pet her, she seems to forgive me… If she even cared??? Perhaps I put my human "stuff" on her??? I think she is PERFECTLY happy without me in her life.. SHE had NEil for GOD SAKE… She was sleeping under the covers with NEil.. How or WHY would she miss me???? She was well taken care of, Verrrry Well LOVED… I know people who STOP their lives because they CANT LEAVE their DOG… I dont know anyone who feels that way about their Cat?? I am NOT one of those people. Animals are Animals… And YES… I Love them but they are NOT the End All and BE ALL that dictates how I will LIVE my life…. AND I am SOOOO happy that Cream still loves me and is my Companion for NOW.. Yes I am writing about my CAT…..Okay.. I must already be "Around the Bend"…. I remember my sister Jennifer writing about her CAT prior to having Jessica.. I knew when the baby came she would STOP writing about her CAT and write about her BABY… As perdicted it happened. THANK THE GODDESS for our animals in our TIME OF NEED… They are TRULEY Loving beings that give us WARMTH and UNCONDITIONAL LOVE when we need it…….

My FEELINGS = HOPEFUL and VULNERABLE....... sooo interesting,,,, 52 possible FEELINGS and that is what I chose in regards to RETURNING TO MY HOME IN AWHITU NEW ZELAND after 3 1/2 years.....

I’m SURE more... MANY more FEELINGS will envelop my body when i get “home” to my BELOVED HEAVEN..... But for my session of Empathy Poker that is all that was ALIVE IN ME.....



The NEEDS I was offered was MANY.... The ones I chose were.....

MOURNING ( I imagine this will be my first few weeks home)

ACCEPTANCE (For the REALITY of what is)

COMPASSION & EMPATHY (This I will be giving to MYSELF on a moment to moment basis I’m sure.)

SHARED REALITY (this was the MOST fun... Jesster (the clown that she is..... was holding this NEED and not offering it up to me...... She said, “I’m helping you out here... your going to be living in the wop wops, your going to be ALONE.. there is NOT going to be anyone for you out there”... Jean said, “Give it to her!!!” HYSTERICALLY FUNNY.. SWEET Jester.... trying to PROTECT me...... A Shared Reality does not have to come from my long time life partner/BELOVED.... As much as I hope some day it will.... Shared Reality can happen between any one..... it just has to be someone who loves and cares enough to want to attempt to get into my SKIN, my shoes, someone willing to LISTEN and REFLECT back what it is I am going through......I hope to be a good enough FRIEND to have a SHARED REALITY with others.... it is one of the MOST IMPORTANT NEEDS for me.. even if it is only a SHARED REALITY with my CAT... It will be Loving, connecting, being PRESENT for each other.....)

AFFECTION (could be hugs with friends, snuggles with my CAT, love I have to give children....and YES... I hope someday with my BELOVED)

NURTURANCE (I will have HOURS AND HOURS of hot bubble baths, I hope to get many hours of massage, I will take care of myself by making time to exercise, get plenty of sleep.....)

FRIENDSHIP (YEAAAAAAAAAA, CANT wait to be with my dear nutty NZ friends!!!!)

HELP & SUPPORT &PARTICIPATION (This is going to happen with George coming the month of March to help build the stage for the out door amphitheater. And the Many friends and wwoofers that are going to be coming)

LOVE
HARMONY
INTIMACY (ALL AROUND LONG TERM GOALS I HOPE TO ALWAYS HAVE MEET, by MESELF, WITH MYSELF, FOR MYSELF and YES someday with my BELOVED)

CLARITY &
TRUST (As to my decision long term to stay, go, or ????)